Marriage Survival Kit

These things have helped our relationship survive and thrive. Maybe it will help you too
                                     Ways to have a Successful Relationship

1. Focus on the positive traits in each other. (Write them down and think about them.)
Look for and notice them every day.

2. Tell each other every day that you love each other and compliment and praise one another often. Never take each other for granted or the energy each contributes to the relationship

3. Be affectionate not just in bed but out of bed too. Human touch is very comforting and healing. Don’t forget to hug, kiss, and cuddle often.

4. Talk everyday about everything. Don’t store or hide emotions. Get them out and deal with them before they become too big to handle or solve.

5. Be a good, open, and easy to talk to listener. Try to understand the other person’s feelings and point of view and care about how they feel.

6. Show each other respect even in the most heated argument. People turn off when
other’s start to yell or call names. Learn self control and never verbally, physically or emotionally abuse one another. “ A soft word turneth away wrath” Learn how to
manage anger in a healthy way.

7. Take a time out period if either is extremely upset. Have a signal you give each other
when things feel out of control. Give each other some time to cool down, calm down, and get centered. It’s better to take some time out than say something that will hurt the other and you may regret. When we lose our centered place, we lose our effectiveness in communication

8. Give each other some personal time and space. Everyone needs that. Talk over what each other’s needs are, then set up regular times for this. Respect each other’s time, space, and privacy. As the prophet Kahil Gibran said, “Let their be spaces in your togetherness” Time apart can also help to appreciate each other.

9. Forgive, forget and move forward. Don’t keep files of past slights or hold grudges and don’t be too proud to admit and say your sorry if you have done something wrong

10. Use the 24 hour “courtesy clause” if changes need to be made as far as time and commitments or plans with each other. Try to give each other at least 24 hour notice. If this can not be accomplished, learn to be flexible and accommodating with time. Dont' make someone wait for more than a half hour. Call them and let them know if you need to change plans.
11. Cultivate togetherness time. Find things you enjoy doing together and do them regularly ie. Walks, bike rides, working out, hiking, water sports, nature hikes, skiing, writing, crafts, painting, road trips and traveling. Join a club or take a class together to learn something new or read the same book and discuss it together. This is a good way to keep growing and changing together.

12. Be open-minded and not reactive to what the other person says. Don't become defensive. Really listen to how they feel.

13. Don’t live under preconceived ideas of how a relationship should be. Discuss with each other what you each think a good relationship should be

14. Save some exclusive time only for each other every day. Go on a date together at least once a week and take turns planning it. Try surprising each other with something special frequently like flowers, love notes , special dinners, massages, etc.

15. Make each other the Number “1" priority. If you don’t there will be problems

16. Don’t make “material things” more important than people or feelings

17. Set common goals together that are attainable and then work towards them.

18. Be honest and trustworthy all the time

19. Take responsibility and care for yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and
spiritually. Always try to look your best and be your best self. Take the time to stay healthy in body, mind, and spirit so you can offer a healthy person to your mate.

20. Don’t act selfish, spoiled, bullying or manipulative. Do not use sex to manipulate

21. Make sexual expression more than just a physical act. When you combine love and
spirituality with the sexual union, it can be the highest form of love, communication,
and intimacy. Make love often. It is very healthy and balances out the energies
of both people if both are healthy when they come together

22. It is important to have equality in all things. In tasks,, in chores, in money. Share
household responsibilities. Divide them up evenly. Take turns cooking and
cleaning up.

23. Don’t ever assume anything. Make sure everything is clear and understood
Learn to be easy going and keep the priorities straight about what is really
important in the relationship

24. Never embarrass, put down, or degrade the other person especially in public or
around friends. Always show how much you love, care and respect the other in
public situations. Don’t let sex, partying, or friends tip the relationship out of balance

25. Make sure there is good communication about money and each is doing their part
or there is a balance about money ie. (If the woman sacrifices her career to birth and raise children , then whatever the husband earns is negotiated and shared in an equitable to both parties manner. Set a time to pay bills each month and be sure each person is aware of where the money goes and how much there is. Always keep an emergency fund in case something comes up that extra money is needed. Don't spend on any major purchase without discussing it first.

26. Don’t let little annoying things become big things. If something really bugs
someone, be considerate and pay attention to the problem and do what you can to take care of the other's reasonable needs.
27. Don’t have expectations about what you think a relationship should be like. If you
do, you will be disappointed. If you have something that is very important you
want or need from the other person, learn to communicate that clearly. Don’t
expect your mate to read your mind Learn to respond quickly and do something about it if your mate has requested something of you. Find out what your mate’s needs are and don’t ignore them. Try to fulfill those needs whenever possible.

* Summing it all up, the main thing to remember is the Golden rule “Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Always be each other’s best friend and don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do to your best friend*